i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
