He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
