I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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