Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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