I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
