If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
