i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just google imaged poop.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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