I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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