Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
