Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
