MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
