new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
