just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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