Where is the hickey?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize