the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
