She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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