she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
