She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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