But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
