I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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