i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
