Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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