im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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