WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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