hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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