Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
