glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
