i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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