ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
