She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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