im six kinds of drunk right now
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
