You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
