i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
