i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
