It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
