New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just cropdusted the office
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
