Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
