Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
