just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
