Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
