Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
