I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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