Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize