sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
