I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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