You really coming over, don't trick.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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