Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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