You're my little dorito
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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