If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
