i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
