i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
