i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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