Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
