No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
