he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
