The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
