I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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