Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
