don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We need to rekindle our bromance
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize