u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
