sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i out mim tonsoeep
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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