If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
