If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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