just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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