I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
