Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
